What Frustration Looks Like To Me

Imagine...I spent yesterday studying and listing out boundaries (agreed upon by both parties) with the HV only to have him completely and totally obliterate them today.

Can I scream now?

I cannot leave a room in my house without being followed into the next one.

I get up at 4:45 am because the HV cannot and will not let me sleep in peace. He wants to snuggle...after me explaining for the infinite time that I do not want snuggled or touched while I sleep since it wakes me. So I get up and crawl into the couch...here comes the HV..."I'll leave you alone, just come back to bed."

H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks-NO.

"I'm sorry" is followed by "I won't do it again."

And so more energy is sucked out of me into the latest round of the HV Analytical Study of The Relationship.

Is that it? Hahahahahahaha.

I'm chilling with the IPod and loading CD's in our study and I hear the familiar shuffle of feet behind me followed by "can I have your undivided attention?"

Oi.

Sure...HV launches into why the Muffin Shop needs to be open, he needs me to talk to him, yadda yadda yadda. Okay, since when did this marriage spiral down into "I need from you irregardless of what needs you have?" Oh yes, day one.

Yes, I'm angry...passionately so. Abso-fricking-lutely passionately angry at the HV showing no regard for my space, feelings, or boundaries. At this point I'm getting shoved further and further from any desire to stick around him and this mess. His words and actions are poles apart from each other. I cannot trust them.

It's 5:20 in the evening on the West Coast and I'm flat out exhausted and would consider going to bed if it meant I wouldn't be wide awake at 1 am in the morning refreshed and ready to go.

Good luck hanging in there with reading this blog...its really a way for me to get this crap out of my brain so it won't affect my studying, my work, and offline life. Those who know the identity behind the blog understand this road I'm on at the time. Besides, who wants to hear whining all day in person...at least you can stop reading and click on another link.

I'm away from my house for the night at relatives...essentially tag-team-house-sitting. Not a bad gig at all. Kinda jacks with the normal routine though...LOL.

Manana is work...yay! Right now its a lot less stress than at home when I'm guarded against the next "can we talk about us?" conversation and the inevitable being followed like a bad cold.

Tonight I sleep in peace...the most that will happen is a cat will sleep on my pillow. Good action in my book these days.