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 You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content. |
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
You Don't Say?!
Discoveries
Sunday was the day freedom in a strange form for me...
I'm sitting at a women's dinner enjoying the meal with my female relatives and friends when my older sister blurts out some news.
"A wrestling dad passed away this week and his name was *****. Died from cancer in his back or something else related to his back."
I stopped cold and looked at her. Asked her when he graduated high school, blahblahblah.
"19**."
Holy crap. I went to the prom with this guy my senior year.
"Now back up and tell me everything."
She tells me he's been doing this-and-that, two kids, one wrestles, etc.
See the backstory to this is that on my prom night was the turning point for me in my battle of weight. Things got out of hand and he touched me inappropriately. From that point on, I've fought my weight and have hid behind it since.
I was, and still am, built pretty damn good. Great proportions, tall...name it.
With one caveat...
...being thin made me UBER vulnerable to men.
(No this blog isn't about to turn into male bashing...outta luck, folks)
Even through turn of events in the last three years its still in the back of my mind that if I'm thin and desirable I will be violated. It's been 22 flipping years. You'd think I could work through this.
Perhaps...just, perhaps.
I've told two people this until just now. My husband and my folks.
Now you know my deepest secret that began my fight against my weight. Somewhere, somehow this death is unlocking a door to healing. I feel it in my bones.
It's a freeing, bizarre, event for me. Well, most of life for me is bizarre so maybe its the only way for me. LOL. Those who know me will agree with that last statement.
Dreamt deeply about being at the morgue and watching them prepare the body. Even down to the details, odd but details, of him being embalmed and having his brains sucked out through a hose. The body was laid out in a blue suit (maybe because he was a cop) and was buried (feel free to laugh at this) in a coffin shaped like a wooden gun.
(So I dream in detail...sue me.)
The weirdest part of this is that I feel as if a tie to my past is severed....forever. Like vamos...no mas. Over. Done. Fini.
Yeah, of course it's severed.
He's dead.
But memories live on and healing, blahblahblah psycho babble - innerchild, yaddayaddayadda. Kinda sucks running around with baggage, yanno? Coming to terms with such a painful event sucks and so does hitting it head on like a hurricane.
I burned the pictures.
Dress was disappeared at my request when I revealed this to my parents.
and...
now this.
Talk about closure.
I'm sitting at a women's dinner enjoying the meal with my female relatives and friends when my older sister blurts out some news.
"A wrestling dad passed away this week and his name was *****. Died from cancer in his back or something else related to his back."
I stopped cold and looked at her. Asked her when he graduated high school, blahblahblah.
"19**."
Holy crap. I went to the prom with this guy my senior year.
"Now back up and tell me everything."
She tells me he's been doing this-and-that, two kids, one wrestles, etc.
See the backstory to this is that on my prom night was the turning point for me in my battle of weight. Things got out of hand and he touched me inappropriately. From that point on, I've fought my weight and have hid behind it since.
I was, and still am, built pretty damn good. Great proportions, tall...name it.
With one caveat...
...being thin made me UBER vulnerable to men.
(No this blog isn't about to turn into male bashing...outta luck, folks)
Even through turn of events in the last three years its still in the back of my mind that if I'm thin and desirable I will be violated. It's been 22 flipping years. You'd think I could work through this.
Perhaps...just, perhaps.
I've told two people this until just now. My husband and my folks.
Now you know my deepest secret that began my fight against my weight. Somewhere, somehow this death is unlocking a door to healing. I feel it in my bones.
It's a freeing, bizarre, event for me. Well, most of life for me is bizarre so maybe its the only way for me. LOL. Those who know me will agree with that last statement.
Dreamt deeply about being at the morgue and watching them prepare the body. Even down to the details, odd but details, of him being embalmed and having his brains sucked out through a hose. The body was laid out in a blue suit (maybe because he was a cop) and was buried (feel free to laugh at this) in a coffin shaped like a wooden gun.
(So I dream in detail...sue me.)
The weirdest part of this is that I feel as if a tie to my past is severed....forever. Like vamos...no mas. Over. Done. Fini.
Yeah, of course it's severed.
He's dead.
But memories live on and healing, blahblahblah psycho babble - innerchild, yaddayaddayadda. Kinda sucks running around with baggage, yanno? Coming to terms with such a painful event sucks and so does hitting it head on like a hurricane.
I burned the pictures.
Dress was disappeared at my request when I revealed this to my parents.
and...
now this.
Talk about closure.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Amazing People
Ever want to enjoy yourself? Host a round of interviews for a entry-level position as a worker bee. Holy smokes, folks, this is serious fun.
Enter our victim, err candidate.
The star of our show has an interview at 1100 hrs.
We wait...and...wait...and wait.
Upon realizing that our candidate has failed to show by 1143 we promptly remove ourselves from the premises to go eat. Leaving the premises we see three people pile out of a vehicle and walk inside the building.
Hmm, whatever...lunch is to be had and its Chinese food for the taking.
Arriving back from lunch a co-worker intercepts us at the back door and informs us that the people we watched go into the building was our VERY LATE Star Candidate. This star happens to bring a possee consisting of Possee Sr and Possee Jr. Well, Possee Sr is a big worker bee in another area of operations for us and Possee Jr is our hapless and dimwitted "turned my resume in too late to be considered" (AKA "Nitwit").
Problem is Possee Sr is wanting his progeny to be hired no matter the rules. So Possee Sr drives his progeny to the interview for our Star Candidate (SC) - (to be renamed later with reasoning why Posee Sr is driving). Gratuitous amounts of eye-rolling, sighing, and gray hair inducing moments commence. Another Boss informed of antics. Boss laughs and tells other Bosses of antics.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
The backstory is the Possee Sr is from an area who feels that because one breaths, one can break rules and said rules do not apply. Knowing full well that this could be a sticky situation we make sure all our bases are covered with copious amounts of paper.
It's decided that the Star Candidate (SC) can interview at 1300 hrs. If you are going to show up 43 minutes late to your own interview without calling to inform us you are running late then another 40 minutes won't kill you to wait for us. Actually, its a neat little trick of making a person sit in grinding boredom from 1143 to 1300 hrs because one is too retarded to arrive on time.
So here we go through the interview....
When asked "Why should we hire you?"
Star Candidate (SC) replies, "I'm reliable."
Tongues are swallowed, dentures are spat on to the table, copious amounts of kicking occurs underneath the table while maintaining serious "interview faces", stars are misaligned and pigs fly past windows, and darkness covers the earth.
Wait...it gets better.
Star Candidate (SC) explains that the box marked "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" is a YES. Our illustreous panel slides the paperwork across the table and asks for clarification.
Possessing Illegal Substances (i.e., Drugs) in one's car.
(would explain why Possee Sr is driving because Star Candidate's DL was prolly suspended upon conviction.)
The Artist Formerly Known As Star Candidate (TAFKAS), herinafter referred to as Convicted Felon Candidate (CFC) smoothly clarifies that it will all be taken care of and removed from Rap Sheet once classes are attended.
(One has to take a class on how not to get popped for possessing and transporting drugs in a vehicle? What institution of higher learning dispenses such knowledge?! I must attend! I digress.)
The interview ends and CFC heads out to the lobby.
Hmmm...they aren't leaving or someone else came in when I was wrapping up paperwork.
I like a moth to the flame approach the counter....
Possee Jr (AKA Dimwit) is latched to the counter up front. The gracious host, me, asks him if he needs assistance or are CFC and he together.
I'm thinking that he's my next Candidate slated for 1330. Phew...that would be a very good thing. Enough weirdness for the day (err week/month/year).
Oh no...its Possee Jr who happens to be related to our, as it turns out, CFC. Posee Jr still has a glimmer of hope that the magical interview is his to be had. Unfortunately for Possee Jr., I wasn't born yesterday and politely explained to him that he's not on my interview candidate list. I apologize that he cannot interview since he's not on my list and Dimwit, CFC, and Possee Sr leave the building.
HOLY CRACKERS that was the weirdest thing EVER.
Enter our victim, err candidate.
The star of our show has an interview at 1100 hrs.
We wait...and...wait...and wait.
Upon realizing that our candidate has failed to show by 1143 we promptly remove ourselves from the premises to go eat. Leaving the premises we see three people pile out of a vehicle and walk inside the building.
Hmm, whatever...lunch is to be had and its Chinese food for the taking.
Arriving back from lunch a co-worker intercepts us at the back door and informs us that the people we watched go into the building was our VERY LATE Star Candidate. This star happens to bring a possee consisting of Possee Sr and Possee Jr. Well, Possee Sr is a big worker bee in another area of operations for us and Possee Jr is our hapless and dimwitted "turned my resume in too late to be considered" (AKA "Nitwit").
Problem is Possee Sr is wanting his progeny to be hired no matter the rules. So Possee Sr drives his progeny to the interview for our Star Candidate (SC) - (to be renamed later with reasoning why Posee Sr is driving). Gratuitous amounts of eye-rolling, sighing, and gray hair inducing moments commence. Another Boss informed of antics. Boss laughs and tells other Bosses of antics.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
The backstory is the Possee Sr is from an area who feels that because one breaths, one can break rules and said rules do not apply. Knowing full well that this could be a sticky situation we make sure all our bases are covered with copious amounts of paper.
It's decided that the Star Candidate (SC) can interview at 1300 hrs. If you are going to show up 43 minutes late to your own interview without calling to inform us you are running late then another 40 minutes won't kill you to wait for us. Actually, its a neat little trick of making a person sit in grinding boredom from 1143 to 1300 hrs because one is too retarded to arrive on time.
So here we go through the interview....
When asked "Why should we hire you?"
Star Candidate (SC) replies, "I'm reliable."
Tongues are swallowed, dentures are spat on to the table, copious amounts of kicking occurs underneath the table while maintaining serious "interview faces", stars are misaligned and pigs fly past windows, and darkness covers the earth.
Wait...it gets better.
Star Candidate (SC) explains that the box marked "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" is a YES. Our illustreous panel slides the paperwork across the table and asks for clarification.
Possessing Illegal Substances (i.e., Drugs) in one's car.
(would explain why Possee Sr is driving because Star Candidate's DL was prolly suspended upon conviction.)
The Artist Formerly Known As Star Candidate (TAFKAS), herinafter referred to as Convicted Felon Candidate (CFC) smoothly clarifies that it will all be taken care of and removed from Rap Sheet once classes are attended.
(One has to take a class on how not to get popped for possessing and transporting drugs in a vehicle? What institution of higher learning dispenses such knowledge?! I must attend! I digress.)
The interview ends and CFC heads out to the lobby.
Hmmm...they aren't leaving or someone else came in when I was wrapping up paperwork.
I like a moth to the flame approach the counter....
Possee Jr (AKA Dimwit) is latched to the counter up front. The gracious host, me, asks him if he needs assistance or are CFC and he together.
I'm thinking that he's my next Candidate slated for 1330. Phew...that would be a very good thing. Enough weirdness for the day (err week/month/year).
Oh no...its Possee Jr who happens to be related to our, as it turns out, CFC. Posee Jr still has a glimmer of hope that the magical interview is his to be had. Unfortunately for Possee Jr., I wasn't born yesterday and politely explained to him that he's not on my interview candidate list. I apologize that he cannot interview since he's not on my list and Dimwit, CFC, and Possee Sr leave the building.
HOLY CRACKERS that was the weirdest thing EVER.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Sonofa
Crap. The exam I took and hoped I'd rank at least in the top three...well...
I didn't, I ranked 6th.
Problem is the list is Rule of 3. Meaning only those in the first three ranks will be considered.
Sigh.
This means my little head is spinning right now wondering if I need to head back to school and brush up on some things. Or, flip directions a little. GAH!
I'd love to eat anything right now. It's how I deal with things. I am fighting not to eat with my emotions. How easy it would be to go and grab a chili-cheese dog. must-not-eat-crap-with-emotions.
Crap.
So I'm blogging.
What shall we talk about?
Have I mentioned (probably not since I'm new to the blogging lifestyle...NOOB!) that I dig foreign relations? Yeap, got real into it back in the day...just kidding...after I visited a foreign country. That and having 9/11 happen really perked my ears and brain up to the point its become a hobby.
Do you know many people who read Foreign Policy magazine for fun? Didn't think so.
Don't get me started on my dream book list found in the pages of Foreign Policy. Wow, that's fertile stuff. For me, at least...LOL.
Robert Baer, Milton Bearden, Ray McGovern, and Valerie Plame top my list of good reads. Anything you can get your hands on by these folks is good fodder for the brain. I'm indebted to them for having the balls to speak up publicly (because how else would I know...geez...braincramp extraordinaire there.) about what is truly happening in our world. Not to mention actually kept a dark, bent sense of humor about it all.
At least two of the four will confirm that reading the mainstream media is a waste of time. Dig deep and keep the peeps open OUTSIDE mainstream media. Think Occam's Razor, think simple, don't dismiss the absurd because it may bite you in the backside, consider everything.
So to those folks...merci beaucoup. Same to the behind the scenes folks who support the above mentioned. Big huzzahs from me. Seriously. You rock. You know who you are.
Anyhoooooo....this "gets dark early" business blows. I love the cool weather but man it sucks when it gets dark so fast.
Need to scram. Getting cold and the house is wide open (so sue me, I like fresh air). And, yes, sarcasm is just another service I offer.
Ciao
I didn't, I ranked 6th.
Problem is the list is Rule of 3. Meaning only those in the first three ranks will be considered.
Sigh.
This means my little head is spinning right now wondering if I need to head back to school and brush up on some things. Or, flip directions a little. GAH!
I'd love to eat anything right now. It's how I deal with things. I am fighting not to eat with my emotions. How easy it would be to go and grab a chili-cheese dog. must-not-eat-crap-with-emotions.
Crap.
So I'm blogging.
What shall we talk about?
Have I mentioned (probably not since I'm new to the blogging lifestyle...NOOB!) that I dig foreign relations? Yeap, got real into it back in the day...just kidding...after I visited a foreign country. That and having 9/11 happen really perked my ears and brain up to the point its become a hobby.
Do you know many people who read Foreign Policy magazine for fun? Didn't think so.
Don't get me started on my dream book list found in the pages of Foreign Policy. Wow, that's fertile stuff. For me, at least...LOL.
Robert Baer, Milton Bearden, Ray McGovern, and Valerie Plame top my list of good reads. Anything you can get your hands on by these folks is good fodder for the brain. I'm indebted to them for having the balls to speak up publicly (because how else would I know...geez...braincramp extraordinaire there.) about what is truly happening in our world. Not to mention actually kept a dark, bent sense of humor about it all.
At least two of the four will confirm that reading the mainstream media is a waste of time. Dig deep and keep the peeps open OUTSIDE mainstream media. Think Occam's Razor, think simple, don't dismiss the absurd because it may bite you in the backside, consider everything.
So to those folks...merci beaucoup. Same to the behind the scenes folks who support the above mentioned. Big huzzahs from me. Seriously. You rock. You know who you are.
Anyhoooooo....this "gets dark early" business blows. I love the cool weather but man it sucks when it gets dark so fast.
Need to scram. Getting cold and the house is wide open (so sue me, I like fresh air). And, yes, sarcasm is just another service I offer.
Ciao
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
We've Done It
That's right, folks. We've done it...gone up and decided to move.
Not far, maybe 100'. Yup, the house next door is up for rent and we are gonna dive right into it. Got the power, internet, dish taken care of tonight. Need to change the mailing address and begin notifying folks.
Now to begin boxing stuff up...oi vey.
Why the move, you ask.
The line between family member and landlord blurred a little too much this last month. Factor that into everytime we've asked for repairs or "tenant-related" items, the family member has balked. Not only that but some repairs have never been done since we've moved in 2.5 yrs ago. Don't even remind me of the fact the "landlord" calls whenever, including after 9:00 pm...because, hey, they are up and moving around their place.
Yanno, I like my nighttime hours but during the work week I'm a solid morning bird because I have to be that to work my job. That means morning for me arrives at 0500 and not later...say like 1100. I digress.
Anyhoo...that off my chest.
Here is some random stuff about me:
8 things I'm passionate about:
1. My Faith
Pretty much the core of who I am. Without it I am nothing. Does this mean I'm a nazi about it? Nope. Actually very cool with everyone I meet...my place is to love not judge. Period.
2. My Husband
My light and strength.
3. Photography
Mere words cannot express this love.
4. Zen Moments
Had one of these while looking out at some Fourteeners in CO. Indescribable glory.
5. Laughing. A lot. All the time.
Very dark humor and sarcasm.
6. Coffee
Straight up, caffeinated. Lots of it.
7. Sleeping
Hobby. Word. (thanks Lotus for that gem of a word)
8. Driving.
Yes, hard to believe isn't it? Longest stretch was 16 hrs...ready to do it again.
8 things I want to do before I die:
1. Kayak from Home to the Bay...80 miles.
I'll do it, watch me.
2. Bay to Breakers
Walk, crawl, hop, crutch...whatever...been a dream since I began running at 10 yrs old.
3. Visit the Middle East.
4. Learn Farsi and/or Arabic.
5. Buy a house...in Colorado and/or California...hello mountains.
6. Sail Tahoe.
7. Skibike Silverton Mountain
8. Learn to code.
8 things I say often:
1. I love you.
2. Sweet
3. Cool
4. Not My Problem
5. "Let's do our staff work to completion" incredibly sarcastically and invoked when the Executive Team completely f***s something up. Say like, loose important documents. Same thing that would get end up getting me "transferred" to a new department. It's already happened...its cool.
6. F***
7. Oh ya
8. Shhhhh
8 Things that Attract Me to My Best Friends:
1. Humor
This is vital.
2. Sense of humor.
Duh
3. Ability to LISTEN.
Because I can yap and switch directions in a nano-second.
4. The desire to drink coffee.
No need to explain
5. Down to Earth.
I am SO not into the highstrung. Preach it!
6. You will hug me if I need it.
7. Be yourself.
8. Capability to let ME be real.
Not far, maybe 100'. Yup, the house next door is up for rent and we are gonna dive right into it. Got the power, internet, dish taken care of tonight. Need to change the mailing address and begin notifying folks.
Now to begin boxing stuff up...oi vey.
Why the move, you ask.
The line between family member and landlord blurred a little too much this last month. Factor that into everytime we've asked for repairs or "tenant-related" items, the family member has balked. Not only that but some repairs have never been done since we've moved in 2.5 yrs ago. Don't even remind me of the fact the "landlord" calls whenever, including after 9:00 pm...because, hey, they are up and moving around their place.
Yanno, I like my nighttime hours but during the work week I'm a solid morning bird because I have to be that to work my job. That means morning for me arrives at 0500 and not later...say like 1100. I digress.
Anyhoo...that off my chest.
Here is some random stuff about me:
8 things I'm passionate about:
1. My Faith
Pretty much the core of who I am. Without it I am nothing. Does this mean I'm a nazi about it? Nope. Actually very cool with everyone I meet...my place is to love not judge. Period.
2. My Husband
My light and strength.
3. Photography
Mere words cannot express this love.
4. Zen Moments
Had one of these while looking out at some Fourteeners in CO. Indescribable glory.
5. Laughing. A lot. All the time.
Very dark humor and sarcasm.
6. Coffee
Straight up, caffeinated. Lots of it.
7. Sleeping
Hobby. Word. (thanks Lotus for that gem of a word)
8. Driving.
Yes, hard to believe isn't it? Longest stretch was 16 hrs...ready to do it again.
8 things I want to do before I die:
1. Kayak from Home to the Bay...80 miles.
I'll do it, watch me.
2. Bay to Breakers
Walk, crawl, hop, crutch...whatever...been a dream since I began running at 10 yrs old.
3. Visit the Middle East.
4. Learn Farsi and/or Arabic.
5. Buy a house...in Colorado and/or California...hello mountains.
6. Sail Tahoe.
7. Skibike Silverton Mountain
8. Learn to code.
8 things I say often:
1. I love you.
2. Sweet
3. Cool
4. Not My Problem
5. "Let's do our staff work to completion" incredibly sarcastically and invoked when the Executive Team completely f***s something up. Say like, loose important documents. Same thing that would get end up getting me "transferred" to a new department. It's already happened...its cool.
6. F***
7. Oh ya
8. Shhhhh
8 Things that Attract Me to My Best Friends:
1. Humor
This is vital.
2. Sense of humor.
Duh
3. Ability to LISTEN.
Because I can yap and switch directions in a nano-second.
4. The desire to drink coffee.
No need to explain
5. Down to Earth.
I am SO not into the highstrung. Preach it!
6. You will hug me if I need it.
7. Be yourself.
8. Capability to let ME be real.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Title Says It All
A friend of mine described me this way yesterday, "asymetrical." It applies on so many levels including appearance and mainly my dark humor. I wanted a safe place to blog with a pseudonym that allowed me to speak freely and give creedence to my thoughts that tend to be dark, sometimes venting, and frequently off the wall.
My friend is a fellow graphic designer and one who "gets it" as far as the humor goes with the artistic crowd. Someone who understands the beauty of paper, frustration of improving one's self, and humor in "I don't need too many changes, can you do it for free?"
Asymetrical is fitting.
Even a dear friend in Texas will roll with laughter at the title of this blog and description of me. She's the one who is inspiring me to write more. Someone who is writing a novel in one month can surely be joined in writing. Won't be a novel but definitely something asymetrical (prolly horridly mispelled...so sue me...its my blog, not yours) and bent.
She's a loved and dear friend...forever.
Onward.
My friend is a fellow graphic designer and one who "gets it" as far as the humor goes with the artistic crowd. Someone who understands the beauty of paper, frustration of improving one's self, and humor in "I don't need too many changes, can you do it for free?"
Asymetrical is fitting.
Even a dear friend in Texas will roll with laughter at the title of this blog and description of me. She's the one who is inspiring me to write more. Someone who is writing a novel in one month can surely be joined in writing. Won't be a novel but definitely something asymetrical (prolly horridly mispelled...so sue me...its my blog, not yours) and bent.
She's a loved and dear friend...forever.
Onward.
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