Amazing People

Ever want to enjoy yourself? Host a round of interviews for a entry-level position as a worker bee. Holy smokes, folks, this is serious fun.

Enter our victim, err candidate.

The star of our show has an interview at 1100 hrs.

We wait...and...wait...and wait.

Upon realizing that our candidate has failed to show by 1143 we promptly remove ourselves from the premises to go eat. Leaving the premises we see three people pile out of a vehicle and walk inside the building.

Hmm, whatever...lunch is to be had and its Chinese food for the taking.

Arriving back from lunch a co-worker intercepts us at the back door and informs us that the people we watched go into the building was our VERY LATE Star Candidate. This star happens to bring a possee consisting of Possee Sr and Possee Jr. Well, Possee Sr is a big worker bee in another area of operations for us and Possee Jr is our hapless and dimwitted "turned my resume in too late to be considered" (AKA "Nitwit").

Problem is Possee Sr is wanting his progeny to be hired no matter the rules. So Possee Sr drives his progeny to the interview for our Star Candidate (SC) - (to be renamed later with reasoning why Posee Sr is driving). Gratuitous amounts of eye-rolling, sighing, and gray hair inducing moments commence. Another Boss informed of antics. Boss laughs and tells other Bosses of antics.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

The backstory is the Possee Sr is from an area who feels that because one breaths, one can break rules and said rules do not apply. Knowing full well that this could be a sticky situation we make sure all our bases are covered with copious amounts of paper.

It's decided that the Star Candidate (SC) can interview at 1300 hrs. If you are going to show up 43 minutes late to your own interview without calling to inform us you are running late then another 40 minutes won't kill you to wait for us. Actually, its a neat little trick of making a person sit in grinding boredom from 1143 to 1300 hrs because one is too retarded to arrive on time.

So here we go through the interview....

When asked "Why should we hire you?"

Star Candidate (SC) replies, "I'm reliable."

Tongues are swallowed, dentures are spat on to the table, copious amounts of kicking occurs underneath the table while maintaining serious "interview faces", stars are misaligned and pigs fly past windows, and darkness covers the earth.

Wait...it gets better.

Star Candidate (SC) explains that the box marked "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" is a YES. Our illustreous panel slides the paperwork across the table and asks for clarification.

Possessing Illegal Substances (i.e., Drugs) in one's car.

(would explain why Possee Sr is driving because Star Candidate's DL was prolly suspended upon conviction.)

The Artist Formerly Known As Star Candidate (TAFKAS), herinafter referred to as Convicted Felon Candidate (CFC) smoothly clarifies that it will all be taken care of and removed from Rap Sheet once classes are attended.

(One has to take a class on how not to get popped for possessing and transporting drugs in a vehicle? What institution of higher learning dispenses such knowledge?! I must attend! I digress.)

The interview ends and CFC heads out to the lobby.

Hmmm...they aren't leaving or someone else came in when I was wrapping up paperwork.

I like a moth to the flame approach the counter....

Possee Jr (AKA Dimwit) is latched to the counter up front. The gracious host, me, asks him if he needs assistance or are CFC and he together.

I'm thinking that he's my next Candidate slated for 1330. Phew...that would be a very good thing. Enough weirdness for the day (err week/month/year).

Oh no...its Possee Jr who happens to be related to our, as it turns out, CFC. Posee Jr still has a glimmer of hope that the magical interview is his to be had. Unfortunately for Possee Jr., I wasn't born yesterday and politely explained to him that he's not on my interview candidate list. I apologize that he cannot interview since he's not on my list and Dimwit, CFC, and Possee Sr leave the building.

HOLY CRACKERS that was the weirdest thing EVER.